20 Things You Should Have Learned By Middle Age

1. If you're too open-minded, your brains will fall out.
2. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in the garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
6. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
7. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
8. If you look like your passport picture, you definitely need the trip.
9. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
10. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
11. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
12. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
13. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
14. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
15. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
16. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
17. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
18. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when yuo make it again.
19. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
20. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

"It is when we silence the chattering of our minds that we can truly hear what is in our heart and find the stillness and purity that lies within the soul. Spiritual love carries us into the silence of our original state of being..."