Laugh Lines, Maybe?

Read somewhere…
Posting it again…
Just for laughs…
No pun intended…

Dictionary for women’s personal ads:
40ish: 49
Adventurous: Slept with everyone
Athletic: No tits
Average looking: Ugly
Beautiful: Pathological liar
Contagious smile: Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure: On medication
Feminist: Fat
Free spirit: Junkie!
Friendship first: Former slut
Fun: Annoying
New-Age: Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned: No blowjobs
Open-minded: Desperate
Outgoing: Loud & embarrassing
Passionate: Sloppy drunk
Professional: Bitch
Voluptuous: Very fat
Large frame: Hugely fat
Wants soul mate: Stalker

Women’s English:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = You’ll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You’re in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

Men’s English:
1. I am hungry = I am hungry.
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy.
3. I am tired = I am tired.
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let’s have sex now.
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I’d like to have sex with you.
8. Can I call you sometime? = I’d like to have sex with you.
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I’d like to have sex with you.
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I’d like to have sex with you.
11. I don’t think those shoes go with that outfit. = I’m gay.