Sam's ShortTakes Unlimited: May 2008

Monday, May 26, 2008

Mt. Isarog Park: Another Roadtrip

Taken last Sunday at Mt. Isarog Park's deer breeding farm.
Went there with my 2 good friends, Dhian & Andrei.
Met Bad Boy (the friendly buck).
(I was taking these pictures, so you won't find me here.)


















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Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Downpour

Five dreadful days and counting...

My mind has gone on auto pilot mode. Always backtracking to the issues and events that have opened my eyes to the sad truth that "Life is never predictable. It's up to you to shake off the dust, rot in self-despair or determine if some battles are worth the effort."

Most of those who really know me can honestly tell to my face that I am kind-hearted, a career girl who strives to do what's best, funny, never violent, smart and pretty. The same people who will also say that I can do a 360-degree when wronged, but only when there is blatant disregard on the limits of tolerance.

Somehow, I will never be able to savor any feeling of vindication. Maybe, justice have been served in my favor. Could be that I've emerged the victor. But - my name, work ethics and everything I've tried so hard to hang on to - have become shreds of what I used to be. I will never fully understand why some people would even stoop to the level of being inhuman, just to make someone else look bad. I may not have any visible scars to show for it, yet the wounds caused by verbal vexation are still raw. I'd rather have one real friend than a host of so-called Great Pretenders. Moving on will really mean knowing who to trust, relying on myself, avoiding confrontation, and just letting people be themselves.

As if these are not yet enough, there's one more.

My father has been given six months to live. All the smoking, drinking, women, whatever, has finally taken toll on him. Smoking gave him bad lungs. Drinking led him to rehab for two years. His affairs gave him an extended family. Vices clouded his judgment. Not even the constant medication prevented the complications. Even the good memories that I have of him have been overshadowed by his indifference, violent tendencies and unfair treatment of mom. He was never a good provider because mom shouldered the responsibility of taking care of us. Cruel as it may sound, I can't help but think that his main purpose in life was to procreate. Regardless, he will always be my father.

PS. Keeping the faith, when all have gone haywire, is the only way to deal.
The Universe can help ease the pain.
There is a Higher Force Up There.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

INJUSTICE

I went on a 12-hour trip to and fro Catanduanes. Instead of spending Mother's Day with my mom, I had to endure another work-related weekend. Had to wake up at 2:00 am - not even last Saturday night's glass of daquiri pounding on my head can stop me. My youngest sis took me to the central terminal. The bus to Tabaco port left at 2:55 am. Upon arrival at 5:30 am, I paid the ferry boat ticket and terminal fee.

The 4-hour ocean ride was very uneventful - with clear blue skies, gentle breeze and calm waves. Aside from the influx of summer travelers with the same destination as mine, the lull was only broken by cries of children, passengers walking aboard and subdued conversation flowing across the deck. Instant seafood noodles from the boat's store, a cinnamon donut and mineral water was my breakfast. Later, I had a short pleasant talk with an older woman. She was on vacation too, all the way from Cavite. Then, I just dozed off with the sun beating at my feet.

I disembarked at Virac port, past 11:00 am. (The aftershock of Saturday's mean mobile call from Y was still reeling in my head. A verbal beating. He just went on his merry way talking loud, saying all that's unpleasant. He was not even allowing me to speak, always cutting me in mid-sentence. Dang! I did my best working on the bank documents he needed, at such a very short notice. Then I get crapped on by a hairline-challenged bossy person. That happened last Saturday morning even before I started my daily office grind.)

Stranger than fiction, Y was not even around when I went to Sea Breeze to meet A in Catanduanes. Good for him, I was just about ready to give him a piece of my mind. Hehe, the old man did not even show his face. The meeting with A started off with slightly-heated argument.

He just said "Y's just getting old, that's why!".

"Yeah, right. But that doesn't give him the right to talk to me that way. Look, the bank documents you needed wasn't part of the work I do at the office. You know who's supposed to do them for you? The liaison officers who, even when they were instructed by our boss, simply refused to obey her. My efforts were all for what? Unfair old man."

"You know, I can't even understand why our boss employs ZERO people. But, zero people are always safe. They just say they don't know anything and it always work out in their favor", A replied.

"Well, I'm not a ZERO person. And I will only do this extra work with specific instructions from you."

"I know you're not a zero person...and, since the liaison officers won't do their job, here are some things I want you to do..." Nice segue. He then proceeded to list down all the sets of bank documents and papers I had to work on, ASAP. "If I can't go to Naga this week, just bring all these documents by yourself," he said.

Another 12-hour trip to Catanduanes within this week? As if I have a choice. Glad though that somehow, I was able to make A listen to what I had to say.

After a very short lunch of tanguigui soup, fried chicken, rice and mango juice, it was time to take the same route back to Naga from 1:00 to 8:00 pm.

Aboard the ferry boat for the 2nd time on Mother's Day, events from last Saturday afternoon circled in my head...

"Sam, what time are you going out?", asked our legal adviser.

"Around 5:00 pm, I'll attend anticipated mass", I answered. "Why? Am I in trouble?", I added in good humor.

"No, I just want to talk to you. How about now? That way, I won't have to go back here later."

"Ok, just let me arrange these papers I'm working on."

Later, she led me to the kitchen area where we sat down to talk about ISSUES. In ramdom order.

No. 1 - "Naghahamon ka daa nin suntukan." (In English: I initiated a boxing match).

My take: "Huh? Me? I was the one who was given a boxing match dare! If I initiated any boxing match, then we could have taken the matter outside."

No. 2 - "Nagpapabayad ka daa nin 200 pesos sa kada pinapagibo ninda saimo sa opisina" (In English: I asked for 200 pesos for every thing they've asked me to do at the office).

My take: "Huh? For all the things they've made me do at the office and every other paper work that I've been doing at 200 pesos each? Where is the money? If that was the case, I should have a lot to show for it and I wouldn't even need to earn extra after office hours. And why should I even ask them to pay me? It's office paper, ink, computer that I'm using."

No. 3 - "Pinagbawal mo daa sainda an pagamit kan computer" (In English: I disallowed them from using the office computer).

My take: "Huh? Why should I even do that? I don't own anything in this office. My only concern was the files and documents stored in the pc, like microsoft money. And if I disallowed them from using the pc, see for yourself. D, the boss' nephew is there now, clicking on the keyboard, on YM, on the internet".

No. 4 - "Niribawayan mo daw an password" (In English: I changed the password).

My take: "What password?" (Vague, even to me. Even if I change any password, it's known. Specifically the reason why they are able to use the computer.)

No. 5 - "Iniwal mo daw an bagong engineer" (In English: I started a fight with the new engineer).

My take: "The new engineer wanted to talk to me, I said 'just say when as long as it's on neutral ground' last May 1. The next day, M said, 'let's talk' and I asked, 'the office is a neutral ground for you?'. She said 'yes it is'. So I followed her outside. We haven't even started talking when she started to cry. I told her, 'don't cry because people inside the office might say that I'm trying to hurt you or something...".

Note: I never laid a finger on her. I'm not touchy-feely with anyone there.

No. 6 - "You said something like: Bako man baga yan sweldo, allowance lang, kan hinapot ka kun makua ka na nin sweldo" (In English: I said 'that's not even salary, that's just allowance', when asked if I would like to get my salary)

My take: "I was never asked if I would like to get my salary. I only said - 'allowance?' in a joking tone. I've been looking forward to the 20% automatic salary adjustment after working for more than a year at the office. I inquired nicely, asked politely every time I get my pay. When the adjustment never came, I simply stopped asking".

No. 7 - "Sinabi mo daa na an 15-days sweldo ni D saimo" (In English: I said that Dindin's 15-days salary is mine)

My take: "I took on D's work duties because she had a motorcycle accident. I used my initiative to do the job that's outside my share. Without even being told by the boss. I didn't ask for any extra pay. I joked with D (after work, inside her house) saying: 'you should give me 50% of your 2-weeks pay' and she laughed saying 'no problem. that is if I get paid at all'...I never said anything like her salary is mine. Truth is, I was never paid for the extra job. It was thankless. And I will never get anything that's not mine, or take money that I never worked hard for. That's not how my mom raised me."

No. 8 - "Tarakot na daa sinda saimo" (In English: They are scared/afraid of me)

My take: "Why? I never confronted any of them. I remained quiet. Now, they've singled me out as the 'bad person'. Tell me, what about the other 'bad persons in the office'? Will they also get the same treatment that I'm getting now? Can't they find anything else to hold against me? Being quiet and just working with blinders on led me to this. What if I confront them? But that could also backfire since you'll never know what version of the issue would come out. I'm old enough to even bother putting up a fight with these people."

ASIDE: Most of all, I NEVER applied for this job. The boss asked me to work for her, a long time ago. I am very good at what I do. My work defines who I am. I give it my 100% all the time, sometimes more than that. What she tells me to do, I say "Ok po." And do it the best way I know how. If she isn't happy with it, I redo it. I've focused myself on what the boss wanted. Even when I don't know how to go about things she wanted me to do, I learn it. Even when the load took on until the early hours of the morning, I did it. Even on weekends. Even the personal stuff, not work-related, I obeyed her. Just to keep her happy with the way I do things. She may ask me to resign, but how? I never applied for this. She can't impose any forced resignation on me because it's against the law, and on what grounds? Mindless and unfounded gossip?

But if she her mind's made up about me, and if she believes all these issues against me, it only goes to show what kind of person she really is.

It's been 3 days and I still can't shake off this big letdown.
Being quiet and just minding my own business at work.

I was only trying to make things easy for everyone and IT BLEW UP ON MY FACE. The realization came to me in full force as I stood on the ferry boat's upper deck. I will never be able to fully understand how any person could weave malicious issues about anyone. How can any person gossip about you and say those words which you haven't even said or hear yourself saying aloud. I'd rather not dwell on that.

There's something I'm sure about: I'm not claiming self-righteousness but my conscience is clear.

Thursday, May 01, 2008

Hell HQ

It's been another tough day. Even when I skipped worked today, things that were work-related still hounded my supposedly non-working 1st of May - Labor Day.

Gosh! How much crap can a girl take?

Earlier on, I've posted that I can deal with all shitty matters thrown at me. But even the limits I've set for myself have been breached. Gossip, unfounded or with a grain of truth, is still hurtful. More so because it's NEVER 100% accurate. Words taken out of context. Just saying things to start a big fight. Goes to show that no one can trust anyone, especially if it deals with work politics. The green horn of pathetic indifference shows its sharp edges over and over and over again. Watch your step all the time. It's good to have an extra pair of eyes at the back of your head. Develop an invincible shield of armor, or a thicker skin. Have your own set of balls if needed. Protect your turf with an eagle-eyed stare. Fight fair. Fight dirty. Do whatever it takes.

Picture this: HELL HQ - on earth, my earth - a daily dose of dang and damn. A seemingly endless disease that festers each time I get sucked in it. It's not like I don't have a choice on this. Somehow, my choice to just let all issues slide was a bad decision. I smiled even though the hurt has lingered. I tried to be diplomatic and understanding even when I'm always at a losing end. I never bothered to kiss anyone's ass just to get ahead. I do my best even when it's always a thankless deal. I wanted to be fair to all but how can I keep up with pretenses when everyone else don't even bother to say "hi back". Still, I let things slide and do what I do best. Even if it meant being invisible, talking only when talked to and just focusing on work until the each day ends.

It's just a job, never anything personal.

BUT, I take it too personal when my work ethics is questioned. Heck! I even took on another person's work load for 2 weeks without asking for any extra pay. Sometimes, my initiative can backfire at me. I am ALWAYS good at what I do. And being a hard worker (taking on more duties someone else's should be doing but can't, because of an accident) doesn't mean that I will take anyone else's salary without prior approval from the boss - that's like stealing! I've been through hard times all my life and I've learned to make the most out of what I have. But I will never take money that I never worked hard for. That's not me at all. However, all my good intentions to help and make things easy for those involved just blew up on my face.

Things are about to change. Maybe nothing major at once, rather a gradual change. Time to show some cold-hearted side to my very capable demeanor. I can never be as bitchy as they are but I've got a few tricks up my sleeve. I call it "bitchin' glam". No one will be allowed to put me down again. Enough is enough.

Welcome to Hell HQ.