Downpour
Five dreadful days and counting...
My mind has gone on auto pilot mode. Always backtracking to the issues and events that have opened my eyes to the sad truth that "Life is never predictable. It's up to you to shake off the dust, rot in self-despair or determine if some battles are worth the effort."
Most of those who really know me can honestly tell to my face that I am kind-hearted, a career girl who strives to do what's best, funny, never violent, smart and pretty. The same people who will also say that I can do a 360-degree when wronged, but only when there is blatant disregard on the limits of tolerance.
Somehow, I will never be able to savor any feeling of vindication. Maybe, justice have been served in my favor. Could be that I've emerged the victor. But - my name, work ethics and everything I've tried so hard to hang on to - have become shreds of what I used to be. I will never fully understand why some people would even stoop to the level of being inhuman, just to make someone else look bad. I may not have any visible scars to show for it, yet the wounds caused by verbal vexation are still raw. I'd rather have one real friend than a host of so-called Great Pretenders. Moving on will really mean knowing who to trust, relying on myself, avoiding confrontation, and just letting people be themselves.
As if these are not yet enough, there's one more.
My father has been given six months to live. All the smoking, drinking, women, whatever, has finally taken toll on him. Smoking gave him bad lungs. Drinking led him to rehab for two years. His affairs gave him an extended family. Vices clouded his judgment. Not even the constant medication prevented the complications. Even the good memories that I have of him have been overshadowed by his indifference, violent tendencies and unfair treatment of mom. He was never a good provider because mom shouldered the responsibility of taking care of us. Cruel as it may sound, I can't help but think that his main purpose in life was to procreate. Regardless, he will always be my father.
PS. Keeping the faith, when all have gone haywire, is the only way to deal.
The Universe can help ease the pain.
There is a Higher Force Up There.
My mind has gone on auto pilot mode. Always backtracking to the issues and events that have opened my eyes to the sad truth that "Life is never predictable. It's up to you to shake off the dust, rot in self-despair or determine if some battles are worth the effort."
Most of those who really know me can honestly tell to my face that I am kind-hearted, a career girl who strives to do what's best, funny, never violent, smart and pretty. The same people who will also say that I can do a 360-degree when wronged, but only when there is blatant disregard on the limits of tolerance.
Somehow, I will never be able to savor any feeling of vindication. Maybe, justice have been served in my favor. Could be that I've emerged the victor. But - my name, work ethics and everything I've tried so hard to hang on to - have become shreds of what I used to be. I will never fully understand why some people would even stoop to the level of being inhuman, just to make someone else look bad. I may not have any visible scars to show for it, yet the wounds caused by verbal vexation are still raw. I'd rather have one real friend than a host of so-called Great Pretenders. Moving on will really mean knowing who to trust, relying on myself, avoiding confrontation, and just letting people be themselves.
As if these are not yet enough, there's one more.
My father has been given six months to live. All the smoking, drinking, women, whatever, has finally taken toll on him. Smoking gave him bad lungs. Drinking led him to rehab for two years. His affairs gave him an extended family. Vices clouded his judgment. Not even the constant medication prevented the complications. Even the good memories that I have of him have been overshadowed by his indifference, violent tendencies and unfair treatment of mom. He was never a good provider because mom shouldered the responsibility of taking care of us. Cruel as it may sound, I can't help but think that his main purpose in life was to procreate. Regardless, he will always be my father.
PS. Keeping the faith, when all have gone haywire, is the only way to deal.
The Universe can help ease the pain.
There is a Higher Force Up There.
posted by sam at
6:34 AM
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