2009

Two words came to mind: infinity pool. The same words that may best describe the first few days of my new year. Underneath the calm surface lies a shadow of real turbulence marked by pros and cons, decisions and uncertainties, love and disappointment, learning and lies, honor and anarchy, humanity and mistrust.

I'm starting to wobble - something that shouldn't reach full-blown capacity or else (you paint the picture). There is the fear of drowning in my personal pit of self-doubt. Sometimes, the thrill of tackling and handling new challenges is no longer that empowering. I even wonder if love will ever be the same again. But taking baby steps everyday also seem to lead to grace under pressure. Trodding. Plodding. Numbness. Awareness. Reality. Truth.

The realization that love will never be enough to spare anyone from being hurt holds a real ring to it. It's even beyond understanding why even those you hold dear are the same people who will trample on you even without provocation. The universality of familial caring is just another way to blindside anyone with the best of intentions. Respect seems to be so rare, even among those who share the same bloodline. Passion suddenly disappears in the blink of an eye, without any rational reason or explanation. And just like that, you suddenly find yourself in a desolute state of being alone again: to ponder, dwindle, gasp and hang on to what's left of you.

Amidst everything and everyone, there is always enough hope to get you through the remaining 355 days of this year. Regardless of how bad the economy may be, how the northwest monsoon coldly blows, how loud you may hear you heart breaking, how your facial wrinkles seem to pile up on top of each other and how many times you fall flat on your nose, there is always a reason to say: Cheers!